Carve Your Name Into My Skin
by MrSampson1989
Summary: In which Kurt is a HBIC! who has all the men eating out his hands and in which Sebastian is a manwhore whose head is turned by the fabulous cheerleader with the booty that won't quit. Also with Kurtana friendship, Heavens bromance, Puckurt sex because what is life without Puckurt sex and Sebastian and Kurt being utterly delicious. Kurtbastian endgame because duh.
1. Head Bitch in Charge

**Carve Your Name Into My Skin**

**_Not Gonna Get You_  
**

Strutting down the corridor, Kurt Hummel grinned as people stood to the side to make way for his fabulous self. He owned this school, he owned these people and damn it felt good to appreciated. Of course, it hadn't always been this way as Kurt had been terrosied for years. But a swift kick to bollocks to Karofsky and making out with one Santana Lopez in the corridors of McKinley High drove Kurt's popularity skyhigh. Now all the men wanted to date him and all the women wanted to be him. Kurt wasn't your average popular student though. Not by means. He still worked hard to get good grades because for Gabana's sake he wasn't going to end up working in Lima Bean for the rest of his life. And he never bullied anyone because being a former victim of bullying would always scar him for life. Of course, if you were to mess with Kurt in any way, he wouldn't retaliate in violence. But you could be sure of a severe tongue lashing that would have you quivering for the rest of your life. And not in the good way.

He had his two bitche's to his side. Queen Santana Lopez lesbian cheerleader with a fetish for turning straight girls into the dykes if only for one night and Princess Brittany Pierce with perhaps a shortage in the brains department but enough sweetness to fill an entire candy factory. The three of them strutted down the McKinley High corridor like they owned it. Scratch that, they DID own it.

Getting to his locker, Kurt opened it and took out the books he would need for his first two lessons. Santana leaned against the locker and purred.

"Can I just say Kurterlla your ass is looking mighty fine tonight. If I didn't loving fluffing the muff so much I would so like to remove those jeans. With my teeth". Kurt turned and faced Santana, leaning right close to her face.

"Baby if I didn't have cock in my head 24/7 you wouldn't be able to walk with the amount of time I'd spend between those fine legs of yours".

Santana blanched and fanned herself with her book. "Damn Sleeping Kurtie I think your the only man I've ever wanted that I could'nt get. I swear one day I'm going to get you so drunk that you will be relucant to resist my latino charms".

Kurt leaned into Santana and gently licked her ear making the Latino quiver with delight. "Baby, I look forward to you trying. God knows I love a trier!"

Shutting his locker door and locking it, Kurt turned to face Brittany who looked a bit put out.

"Don't worry babes, I''m not going to steal your woman".

Brittany shrugged him off. "But Kurty I thought you said I was the only woman you'd ever have sex with!"

"Baby, you have the high honour of being the only woman to have her tongue in my mouth. That should be enough for you, God know's many women wish they were that woman". Kurt grinned as he linked arms with his two girls and proceeded to walk towards Chemistry which was there first lesson of the day. And the only lesson all three had together.

"It's true" Quinn Fabray sighed as she joined the three into walking to the class. "I even heard Jane Thompson telling her friends she was going to grow a moustache just in the hope you would plant her a kiss with your magic tongue".

Kurt laughed to which Quinn sighed. She stopped walking. "I'm just going to walk behind you" she spoke.

"Why?" Brittany asked "To stare at Kurt's behind as you walk".

Quinn shrugged her shoulders. "Of course".

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"Well if it isn't Princess Kurt and his two lesbian croonies Chapstick Lesbian and Ditzee Princess" Sebastian said as he took a seat on the large table in the chemistry room.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Well if it isn't Sebastian Smythe the walking STD. Tell me Bas, how is life? And what is that new fragrance your wearing? Because it's nasty. Oh wait, I know. It's the smell of Grindr".

"Nice to see you haven't removed the pole you have lodged up your ass then" Sebastian spoke as he pulled his book out "And if you must know, that is the smell of love. Because I am in love".

Kurt gasped. "No way. Tell me it isn't true. You love someone other then your own mirror reflection?" He put his book on the desk and took out his pen pointing it at Sebastian "And Bas, must you be so crude. You know the only thing I need my up my ass is Puck's 9 inches"

Brittany chucked next to him as she and Santana whispered stuff into each others ears. Vulgar stuff probably, knowing Santana.

"It's true. His name is Blaine and he attends Dalton. We had the most fantastic 15 minutes in the toilets of Scandals and know I want to see him again.. If only to get back my wallet which I think he stole from trousers when I perfomed the most amazing oral on him".

Kurt put his pen on the desk and tutted at Sebastian. "You are disgusting. Just disgusting. I must find out who this Blaine is and give him my sincere apologises. Because you had your mouth wrapped around him God knows what kind of STD he has know".

Sebastian winked at Kurt. "Baby, you know it's only a matter of time before you & I get together. It's going to happen. Just accept that fact and deal with it".

"I would rather have sex with Lauren Zizes, Sue Sylvester and freaking Stoner Brett then have your tainted dick anywhere near me" Kurt groaned as he stood up. "Now the mere thought of that is going to make me puke. Excuse me girls, I'm going to the ladies to vomit". He turned back around and pointed at Sebastian. "As for you, if I get so much as a drop of sick on my new Dolche shirt I will be sending the dry cleaning bill to your house. Am I understood CraigsList?"

He then proceeded to strut out of the classroom, bumping into his chemistry teacher Mrs Whitemore in the process but he failed to acknowledge her.

"Oi Gay Meerkat stop staring at Kurt's ass your actually dribbling on the table and it's making me want to shove something in your mouth. My foot".

"I'm not staring at Kurts ass Queen Latifah. That ass is nothing special. I see better asses everyday at the gym".

Santana just stared at Sebastian. "Shut your face Dorothy of Oz before I shut it for you. Kurt's ass is an immaculate being and if you don't believe me just check out our school's form. Kurt's ass has an appreciation thread that is twice the size of the next rated thread. And I'd put it to you that at least a qurater of those posters are in fact you".

Sebastian said nothing.

"Silence speaks volumes" Quinn spoke as Mrs Whitemore proceeded to shut her class up by yelling.

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Kurt stood by his locker and rang his bell. In a matter of seconds, Dave Karofsky appeared.

"Dave" Kurt spoke not looking directly into his eyes. "Schedule me for a 2.30pm manicure at Nail Time, my cuticles need emergency care ASAP".

"Yes Kurt" Dave said pulling out Kurt's diary from his locker which Kurt made sure was next to his own. "Do you remember you have a 4.00pm sexdevouz with Noah scheduled at his place?"

Kurt sighed. Sex with Noah was good. No, that's a lie. It was _brilliant. _But Kurt was getting pretty annoyed with being used only for sex. Noah didn't want to go on dates. He didn't want to do anything other then get into Kurt's pants and then spend the rest of the night watching horror movies in his boxers, occasionally stopping to scratch his balls and then sniff them. That was vulgar.

Dave, who Kurt had demenaded spent the year acting his as personal assitant as repayment for the years of bullying he took at the hands of the closeted former jock, looked shock at Kurt's apparent lack of enthusishum.

"What's wrong? The Puckzilla not fulfilling your needs anymore? Do you want me to dump his ass for you?" Dave spoke with a grin on his face. He wasn't stupid, as much as he wanted it he knew he had no chance of getting into Kurt's tight pants. And he'd accepted that. He just hated the fact that Noah Puckerman was using Kurt's ass for nothing more then as a useful play thing to fulfill his own needs.

"He'll do for know" Kurt shrugged. But he already knew that he was going to move on. He wanted it, he'd wanted it for so long. He just hated to admit it.

He wanted Sebastian Smythe more then anything he'd ever wanted in the world. And he knew it was only a matter of time before he gave in.

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**I hope you liked that introduction chapter! I love the thought of Kurtana ruling the school. In the next chapter you will see Kurt's epic bromance with Sam Evans, more Kurtana fun, a little Puckurt sex, more Sebastian pining and some Hummelberry for good measure.**

**Chow for now!**


	2. Denials, Truths and Jockstraps

"Am I a bad person Santana?" Kurt asked as the pair laid down together on Santana's bed. Kurt and Santana, or Kurtana as they were known by the school, had been best friends since meeting in third grade. Santana helped Kurt when he had been pushed into the mud by some stupid boy who thought that Kurt's bag was 'girly' and she taught him the trick of kicking a boy in the 'gonads' when they were mean. They soon had become an indestructible pairing and when they were together they were feared by the masses at McKinley High for there sheer fabulousness and the utter terror they bought. Kurt had become annoyed at himself for becoming Noah's plaything, he never wanted to belong to somebody, especially when he knew that for that person that's all it was. Noah could never love Kurt. Sure, Noah was in lust with Kurt, of course he was. Kurt could make Noah cum harder than anyone ever could, but Noah would always, always end up with a woman. That's the just the way it went. Kurt stood no chance. Unless he grew a vagina, and no, he doesn't quite fancy having one of them thank you very much. Santana was his best friend and if there was one thing you could count on from Santana was brutal honesty.

"No, you're not a bad person Kurt" Santana stated as they stared at the poster of Jennifer Lopez of Santana's wall. She may not be out of the closet yet, but she couldn't deny the honor of having Jennifer Lopez on her wall. Plus, you know, it kind of helps get her in the mood when she has some D.I.Y to attend to. "You have questionable taste in men and friends, I mean how you can even bear to be in the same room as Rachel Berry for more than 3 seconds without wanting to set yourself on fire God only knows, but your one of the most decent and honest people I know". Santana spoke. "Why'd you ask?"

Kurt sighed. "I'm kind of a bastard to Sebastian, aren't I?"

"He gives as good as he gets" Santana replied "And remember he started the fued when he labelled you gayface in senior year".

"Oh God yeah" Kurt laughed "He soon shut the hell up once my foot connected with his nuts though, he didn't see that one coming!"

Santana didn't say anything for a while. But she turned around to look at Kurt and said "You know you're gonna fuck him eventually don't you?"

Kurt groaned. "Don't be so vulgar"

Santana shrugged. "Hey Snow White I'm just telling you like it is. The sexual chemistry is there. You two are seriously gonna get hot and heavy one of these days and it's going to be sensational". She paused for a moment, a slight grin forming on her pretty face. "Can I be there? Please. I won't make a noise I swear down. Or could you at least record it?"

Kurt picked up a pillow and slapped her with it. But then he got serious. "I'm going to end it with Noah tonight I think" he said and Santana looked surprised.

"Really?" Santana asked as she took the pillow Kurt had thrown at her and put it on her stomach "I think that might be for the best".

Kurt sighed. "I like him Santana, but I'm getting kind of fed up of being used merely for my quite fabulous body and my ass that won't quit. And I'm sure he'll find some cheerios soldier to cry on. Or fuck. Or something".

"That sounds like Noah to me" Santana laughed and Kurt grinned. "Not shut up and help me with my Chemistry homework. Brittany is coming round later and I gots to get my dyke on. Plus you go on too much, you have a pretty mouth but you don't shut up".

"Pot calling the kettle black" Kurt laughed as he stood up and walked over to Santana's desk. "Bloody cheek".

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"Oh fuck yes" Kurt groaned as Noah took his dick whole in his mouth. This wasn't going as planned. Kurt had come here to tell Noah that he didn't want to have sex with him anymore and he wanted to just remain friends. But Noah answered the door wearing nothing but his Calvin boxers and all coherent thoughts were erased from Kurt's mind, especially when Noah pushed him against the wall and throughly tongue fucked his mouth. "Don't stop. Never stop" he moaned as the boxer clad stud continued to take Kurt's rather impressive sized dick down his throat.

Noah seized the sucking on Kurt's dick for a moment to look up at Kurt. "Fuck my mouth Princess". Kurt did as told, thrusting his dick straight down the open and willing mouth of his former bully Noah 'Puck' Puckerman.

"Fuck, who knew you'd be so good at sucking dick" Kurt stammered as he felt himself growing closer to eruption. Kurt thrust into his mouth again, and this time Noah choked slightly as Kurt's dick hit the back of his throat. "For a nethanderthal, you sure know how to blow me".

"I like what I like" Noah stated as Kurt thrust into his mouth again "And I like making you feel good". He paused for a moment then looked up at Kurt "But don't cum in my mouth. I have a date with Leanne and I don't think she'd appreciate the taste of you when I kiss her".

Kurt was angry. So he slammed his dick so hard down Noah's throat that he choked hard. And then again. And then again. He felt himself growing closer to the edge but this made him even more angry. How could someone so pathetic and slimy be so great at making one feel so good? It was a crime, that's what it was.

So he got revenge. He pulled out of Noah's mouth and Noah looked at him like he didn't know what was coming. Kurt grinned down at Noah as he felt himself about to erupt. "I hope when you fuck Leanne you just see my face, you bastard" he groaned before his dick exploded and his seed landed straight onto the face of a very unexpected Puck.

"Fuck, you bastard" Noah moaned as he stood up and grabbed a towel from the shelf. "Why the fuck did you do that?"

Kurt shrugged. "Because I wanted to Puck".

Puck was taken aback for a moment. "That's the first time you've called me Puck in months, why do I get the feeling something bad's about go down?"

"Because it is" Kurt stated but he sighed as he placed his deflating cock into his jeans. "Look, we've had a good run and it's been great, but all good things have to come to an end and I don't think we should do this".

Puck took his boxers off and shrugged. "Fine"

Now Kurt was the one that was taken aback. "Fine. Fine? Is that all you have to say".

"Yeah it's all I gotta say Princess" Noah said and he grinned. He actually fucking grinned. "Because we all know that your going to be straight back into my bed the next time you get even the slightest twinge in your cock. Let's face it, your addicted"

"I'm not addicted you bastard!" Kurt denied abit to loudly that it shocked even him.

"Denial is not just a river in Egypt" Noah replied "Now can you leave, I need a shower before I go meet Leanne".

"You a bastard and I hope you die alone" Kurt replied to Noah as the footballer abanded him in his bedroom to go into the bathroom "And just so you know, you're not the best fuck I've ever had and I was just using you out of boredom".

Noah's laugh rang out all over the house. "Now your just lying to yourself Princess".

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Kurt avoided Noah for the rest of the next day at school. When he saw Noah approaching with Finn Hudson, he literally dived into the girl's toilets. And when he realised he had English with Puck, he bunked his first lesson ever and spent it hating himself in the bathroom of the gent's.

"You're in the wrong toilets Princess Peach" an annoying voice stated as Kurt washed his hands at the sink. Smyth. Fuck. That was the last thing that Kurt wanted at this moment.

"And your hair looks shit today" Kurt bit back but it fell flat and Sebastian looked at him with a mixture of pity and amusement.

"So harsh Ladyface" Sebastian said as he continued to look at Kurt "Is that seriously the best you got?"

"I'm not in the mood" Kurt stated as he walked to the washer and put his hands in it. He loathed Smythe, he really did. But crap, he looked good today and that was not something that Kurt would ever admit out loud to anyone. Ever. "I really don't need you and your obnoxious personality around me".

Sebastian shrugged as he leant against the wall. "What's wrong Cinderfella, have you broken a nail or something? Oh I know, your on your period, ain't ya" he spoke and Kurt's patience was wearing thin.

"I've had just about enough of you and your Meerkat face. Go away your making me feel sick" Kurt lied "Plus I've got a hot date tonight".

"Don't lie to a first class liar because one always knows when someone is lying" Sebastian replied "And the only date you've got tonight is with your right hand".

"I'm left handed you imbecile" Kurt replied "And why would I lie? Have you seen me? Have you seen my behind?" And so that Sebastian got the point, Kurt turned around so Sebastian could get a better view at The Arse.

The Arse. That's what everyone called it. The Arse. Because it was perfect. And Santana wasn't lying when she said that The Arse had its own appreciation thread on the school website. The fact that Sebastian started such thread in a moment of weakness was something that never needed to be revealed.

"Why would I need to lie? All the guys in this school want to get all up in this".

Sebastian sighed because that was true. Sebastian didn't want Kurt to see how much this affected him because his feelings for Kurt were something he knew he would never be able to show. Because Sebastian was a handsome guy but Kurt was just.. in a different league. He had no chance with Kurt. "Who is it then? This date. If it's so true then you won't mind spilling the beans would ya?"

"I'm not telling you anything" Kurt stated as he picked his bag up from the floor and put it on his shoulders "I'm sure your find out tomorrow".

And those words stabbed at Sebastian's heart like a knife. Because he knew it was true. And fuck. That hurt.

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"Don't sit so close to me Rachel, I have a banging headache and the last thing I need is your voice making me want to jump from the McKinley roof" Kurt said as he sat in the canteen next to Santana who was otherwise engaged in a slanging match with Quinn over who was wearing the better dress. Quinn was, but Kurt would never tell Santana that because everyone would be mourning his death the next day.

"I'm sorry Kurt but there's something I need to you" Rachel said quietly so that Santana couldn't hear "I only need a minute of your time. Please"

Kurt sighed and agreed to go with her. Mainly for his own sanity. If he said no then Rachel would go on at him for the rest of the day and he really didn't need The Rachel Berry dramatics thank you very much.

When they reached the hallway, which was empty, Kurt listened as Rachel spoke.

"Please don't say no before I've even asked you" Rachel said but Kurt had heard enough.

"No, No way" Kurt pointed at Rachel "There is no way on this earth that I am joining Glee club, christ"

Rachel sighed. "But you have an amazing voice Kurt and it would be a talent to waste that. You could end up in Broadway you know" she stated. But then backtracked. "Like Off broadway or something".

"No. No" Kurt replied "And again in case you didn't hear it. NO!"

"Fine" Rachel sighed "Your loss. But when Sebastian suggested we ask you, I told him you would never agree".

Kurt paused for a moment, his mouth literally dropping open. "Sebastian is joining Glee club?"

"Yes" Rachel stated, her grin wide. "And Finn Hudson is aswell and he's trying to get Puck involved which I don't think will happen because I heard him telling Finn he'd rather flush his own head down the toilet and eat off Santana's toilet bowl then ever join the Glee club, but it's not impossible that he would say no". she stated "And also, you know Mercedes the big chick with the big attitude, she said yes and Tina Cohen-Chang but you wouldn't know her because she's well, not popular".

"I know her" Kurt stated and for some reason he felt like a knife had been stabbed into his chest. Damn.

"Fine" Kurt stated "But if I do agree to come. For ONE SESSION" he said and then he added "ONE SESSION" again just so Rachel got the message. "YOU ARE NEVER EVER TO TELL SANTANA".

"Fine" Rachel stated "But that will be kind of awkard since Santana has been in the Glee club for nearly a month now".

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

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"I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart" Kurt dramatically said as he sat in the Locker Room with Sam "How could Santana keep something like that from me?"

Sam shrugged and carried on pressing benches. Or whatever it was called. But it looked hot. "Maybe she knew how you'd react".

"She hates the Glee club. She always calls them 'Losers from Loserville who are destined to become King Losers" he sighs "I need to talk with that Latino Bitch and give her what for".

Sam stopped pressing weights and looked at Kurt. "Maybe you should join Glee club" Sam said but then he saw the look on Kurt's face. "Or at least give it at go and see if suck's that bad".

Then a thought came to Kurt. "Samuel Evans".

"Shit, you full named me. Shit, what are you going to do, Kurt Elizabeth Hummel. Why do I suddenly fear for my life?"

"You are going to join Glee club with me!" Kurt replied "It can be another thing ot add to our bromance book".

"Oh Christ" Sam said "And I thought it couldn't get any gayer then the time we fell asleep together".

Kurt grinned. "What time?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "Fine. Fine. But only because that Rachel chick is kinda hot in a dorky kinda way".

"She is not hot. Have you seen what she wears? If I do join Glee club I am taking her shopping" Kurt replied "Or selling her on Ebay". And then Kurt's eyes drew to a shirtless stud talking to Noah's brother Jake. "Who is that and why don't I know him?" Kurt asked Sam.

The blonde turned around and looked at who Kurt was pointing to.

"Ryder Lynn" Sam stated "He just transferred here from California".

"I want him" Kurt said bluntly and Sam rolled his eyes. "Dude, I don't think he swings that way".

Kurt stood up, pulling out a mirror and looking at himself in it. He looked good. He looked more than good. "Does my arse look good in these jeans?" he asked Sam.

Sam grinned. "Your arse always looks good in those jeans". But then when Kurt coughed he changed his tune. "But it's looking exceptionally perfect today Kurt".

"Atta boy" Kurt answered, turning back around and looking at Sam. "You are the perfect guy. Why can't you be gay? Are you sure you haven't got a twin brother hiding somewhere".

"I'm positive".

"Damn"

Kurt turned back around and then walked seductively over to where Ryder and Jake were talking. "Hey Jake" Kurt said and he held out a fist which Jake bumped with no hesitation.

"Kurt" Jake nodded

"And who is this fine young man?" Kurt stated, looking at the new transfer who blushed.

"Ryder" Jake stated "And he's single".

"Really" Kurt asked and he looked at Ryder. "Now that's a shame". And then he did something that if it went wrong could leave him with a broken nose and several broken ribs. He rubbed a finger up Ryder's bare chest. "We're going to have do something about that, aren't we?"

"definitely" Ryder replied staring straight into Kurt's eyes. "You talk sense".

Kurt leaned in and blew into Ryder's ear causing the younger lad to shiver. He leaned in and whispered into Ryder's ear. "Breadsticks. 8pm. Be there. Don't be late". He pulled away and ran his finger down Ryder's chest. He then turned away and walked around to rejoin Sam at the gym area.

But then he turned around and shouted out loud. "And wear a jockstrap!" before walking away again.

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That was a longer chapter then I anticpated but I hope you like it! RYDER AND KURT was a shock and it's something that I kinda like but DON'T WORRY THIS IS KURTBASTIAN END GAME OK.

Next chapter will see Jealous!Sebastian, Horny!Kurt, A Bitch fight between Kurt and Santana which will inevitably end up with ice cream and laughter, a shock Rachel kiss and Kurt audtioning for the Glee club.

ALSO! I'm looking for a BETA because I know there are errors. I have Dyslexia so I'm pretty rubbish at spelling but I've tried to use a dictionary for the most part. Thank you. If you wanna apply please message me.


	3. Kurt vs Santana, Kurt vs His Feelings

**Kurt stormed into the school and people moved out-of-the-way. He was not happy and people knew not to get in Kurt Hummel's way when he was angry. He looked around the hallway for his target but alas he couldn't find the Latino bitch and that got his temperature rising even more. He made a point last night of ignoring all the deceitful cows texts hoping she'd get the point that Kurt Hummel was angry. **

**He very much hoped she was crying somewhere, fearing for her safety.**

**Kurt should be in a happy mood. His mood should be that of sunshine and rainbows and all other things gay and pink. He scored a date with a very hot football player last night and he totally got to second base in his car. But Santana was his best friend and she betrayed him and for that she should be punished. And he had no doubt in his mind what the punishment should be. He wasn't going to talk to her all day.**

**That would show her he thought gleefully as he strolled down the corridor, ignoring all the freshmen gays who were pleading for his autograph. **

**Walking down the hallway, he bumped into Puck who had his tongue down the throat of a very slaggy cheerio. Her name was Brenda Borington and she really lived up to the boring in her name. She was going on the 'list' and he'd see fit that one Queen Sue Sylvester dealt with her appropriately. Strutting past Kurt, because he knew that Puck wouldn't be able to resist a sneaky glance at his fine posterior, he huffed and wondered how life could become so unfair.**

**Wait. Was he actually upset that Noah was snogging some cheerio, that couldn't be. Yes he wanted more from Puck then just casual sex but he didn't think it'd hurt so much to see Puck move on so fast. Like they didn't even happen. Sighing, Kurt supposed that he never actually meant anything to Puck anyway. He knew that Puck was dicking his knob in other birds on a daily. But he was the only man. **

**That didn't make Kurt as happy as he'd like.**

**"Hey Princess" Puck shouted as he literally pushed Borington to one side and sauntered over to where Kurt was opening his locker.**

**"Hello yourself" Kurt replied, hoping his voice didn't give away the upset he actually felt. He cursed himself for having emotions like that and hoped he'd grow out of them soon. They didn't fit with how he'd like to be perceived. "How's Puck today, caught anymore sexual diseases lately?"**

**Puck laughed and looked at Kurt. "So you coming over tonight for a ride on the Puckersaurous express?" he asked and Kurt wanted to punch that smirk grin off his rather attractive face.**

**"I'd rather wash myself in cold sick and beans" Kurt dead panned "And you know how much I hate beans".**

**"Baby you hurt me" Puck replied mockingly "Wait, was you actually serious last night?"**

**"Of course I was" Kurt replied with a look of 'Really, bitch?" plastered on his face. "I'm fed up with you using me for my rather splendid body but then ramming your dick into the female species".**

**Puck shrugged. "Princess you know what you signed up for when you first jumped aboard". He paused for a moment and looked at Kurt "I don't do relationships".**

**"That's fine" Kurt replied coldly slamming his locker door shut "And I don't do sex dates with people who wouldn't know the difference between commitment and complications".**

**And with that he stormed off leaving a rather confused Puck.**

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**"Kurt Elizabeth Hummel" a Latino voice rang out as he sauntered into his first lesson of the day which was English "We needs to have a talk".**

**Kurt sighed as he turned to face his current nemesis but otherwise best friend. She was walking along with Quinn Fabray in tow who was looking pretty if a little lost. "Well hello there Santana, my very best friend and Queen Liar, how are you today?"**

**"So I heard that you knew I joined the Glee club" Santana replied as he stood facing Kurt in the English lesson. There teacher was not yet in the room. Quinn was standing there watching them like she'd rather be anywhere else but here now.**

**"Kurt and Santana are about to get into a bitch fight!" a voice shouted and Kurt looked around the room, his face zooming into the voice who said it. "Place your bets now". **

**Finn Hudson had spoken. Kurt had always been fascinated by Finn. He was devilishly handsome but he had the brains of a Kindergartener. Actually, that was probably unfair to the kindergartener who he was sure were very smart. And although he was a jock, Kurt didn't really spend time with the male jocks on account of them always talking about breasts and football, two things he didn't really like thank you very much. **

**Santana turned around and looked at Hudson. "Shut your face manbreasts before I come over there and go Lima Heights all on your massive ass".**

**Finn coloured pink and everyone in the room laughed, except for Kurt and strangely Quinn who looked at Finn like she wanted to hug him or something.**

**Gross.**

**"I'm very angry with you Mrs Lopez and I demand an explanation right now" Kurt replied uncaringly "I thought you hated the Glee club".**

**Santana sighed and took Kurt to one side of the classroom. Quinn didn't follow and instead took a seat next to a plump black woman who Kurt recognised as Mercedes Jones. **

**"I do.. I did" Santana explained "But Britanny joined and she loved it and she begged me to go. You know I can't say no to Britanny on account of her having one hell of a tongue on her". Kurt mocked gagged at that and he sure a bit of sick come into his mouth. "I hated it. At first. But you know what, being in there and singing with a bunch of weird kids was actually very soothing. They let me sing a solo and let me tell you I killed Valerie. I think even Rachel Berry gots a tingle in her nether regions and that's something I never want to ever think about. Ever again. I'm making myself feel sick now, okay? See what you do to me Hummel?" **

**Kurt sighed. But Santana carried on.**

**"I think you should join Rapunzel, I think you'd enjoy it. You have a wonderful voice on you and when you hit them high notes it makes me think of how'd you be in bed and I tell you I get so wet you could feel a swimming pool". She paused as if thinking about said image and Kurt wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. Or both. "If only I was the one making you scream that loud but you should. It might do us some good".**

**"But we're popular" Kurt sighed and Santana shrugged.**

**"Who gives a shit? If people say anything I'll ram my Louboutin so far up there respective backsides they'll be shitting heels for about a week, plus no doubt you'd go all verbal bitch on their ass and leave them trembling wrecks".**

**There English teacher Holly Holiday breezed into the room at that and their conversation died. "I'll think about it" Kurt said to his best friend and Santana grinned.**

**"Great! I'll tell manhands that you'll be there tonight after school. I love you Snow Black!".**

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_**FROM: Ryder**_

_**'Sat in Maths class finking of last nite, i'm so hard rite now ur lips would b amazing! R x'**_

**Kurt grinned as he read the text. He was sat next to Santana who was trying to take a peek at the message.**

**"I heard you had a date with that Ryder kid last night which is why I thought you weren't answering my texts, I gots to tell you he is well hot but there is something about him, I think his banging that Kitty chick who joined the cheerios last week".**

**Kurt shrugged. "I'm not bothered. I'm not going to get involved with him like I do Puck, we both agreed last night that we're just going to have some fun and that's it".**

**"The thing about you Hummel" Santana sighed as Kurt listened whilst writing down some notes on what Mrs Holiday was saying "Other then your lithe body and that cock which should be on illegal on someone your height and weight is that you have too many feelings, I don't wants my best gay to get hurt again".**

**Kurt gripped onto Santana's hand under the desk and sighed wistfully. "I'm not planning on getting hurt Sugartits" Kurt replied "Seriously, I'm probably not even going to have sex with Ryder- He's hot and all but all he kept talking about was football".**

**"That's the thing about most men in this school" Santanta said "All they think about is.. "**

**"Tits and football" Kurt, Santana and surprisingly Mrs Holiday said as he stood facing them. "Agreed, now do some work please Bonnie and Clyde".**

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**"Kurt can I ask you a serious question and please don't laugh?" Sebastian asked as they sat on a bench during lunch.**

**"As if I would?" Kurt asked, taking a bite of his tuna and sweetcorn sandwich. Kurt sighed "I make awesome sandwiches. Is there anything I can't do? I swear if there was two of me I'd snap the other up and marry him myself".**

**Sebastian looked at Kurt if he was seriously insane. But asked his question anyway.**

**"Do you think I'm attractive?"**

**And despite his best efforts, Kurt burst into laughter.**

**"Well I'm not THAT ugly" Sebastian huffed as he took a bite into his own sandwich, Corned Beef. It didn't look half as good as Kurt's.**

**Kurt toned down his laughter. "I'm sorry Bas but you got to admit that's a pretty strange question to ask me. Why'd you ask?"**

**"Look, I know you think I'm an arrogant prick who thinks the sun shines out of my ass" Sebastian spoke and Kurt could feel a pity me speech coming on which he so wasn't ready for. He wasn't wearing the right clothes to play Agony Uncle. "And yes, I know that I'm hot, have a banging body and have a personality that make most people want to jump for joy".**

**"Or kill themselves" Kurt whispered and thankfully Sebastian didn't hear it.**

**"But I do have insecurities. I've had a long look at myself recently and I'm kind of fed up with having meaningless sex with random men. I think it's I got myself a.. " Sebastian looked like he wanted to puke. "And I can't believe I'm saying this, Kurt you may to check that I'm actually alive and this isn't a dream.. But I think it's time I got myself a boyfriend".**

**Kurt gasped. Sebastian gasped. Kurt nearly fainted at the shock. Sebastian looked like he wanted to either kiss or punch Kurt. "You want to get a.. boyfriend?"**

**Sebastian nodded. "Which is why I need to ask you something. Have you got Dave's number?"**

**Kurt looked confused for a minute. "Karofsky?" **

**"The one and only" Sebastian confirmed.**

**Kurt wanted to puke but he didn't know why. Was he actually jealous?**

**"Yeah.. Er.. On my phone.. Which is in my locker.. Yeah.. " **

**"That's fine, you can give it to me in Glee" Sebastian grinned and Kurt groaned at the thought.**

**"Bad news get's around fast eh?" Kurt spoke and Sebastian nodded.**

**When Sebastian got up to walk away, Kurt stopped him and said "Bas, you've been here for 5 minutes and you haven't said anything offence about me. I'm worried".**

**Sebastian continued to grin and Kurt got for the first time just how attractive his grin was. Fuck.**

**"Like I said, I've taken a look at myself recently and I didn't like what I saw. But that doesn't mean that I won't call you gayface anymore because I know how much you like that" Sebastian spoke before he turned and walked around.**

**Now Kurt was almost sure he was going to cry.**

**GLEEGLEEGLEEGLEEGLEEGLEEGLEEGLEEGLEEGLEEGLEEGLEEGL EEGLEE**

**Pretty short chapter there, and half of it was cut out due to changes I'm going to make in the next chapter.**

**Next chapter you will see Kurt auditioning for Glee club, Kurt and Tina's history is revealed, Kurt snogs someone really unexpected and either Sebastian, Puck or Ryder will tell Kurt they love them. ALSO Rachel and Santana.. is that FLIRTING or is Kurt seeing things? ;) See u Next time. **


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